I will take down the stars
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Wednesday, November 15, 2006
sick and tired of this world.
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information
They can bend it all they want.
This is life
This is struggle
This is love
This is war.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Happy Sweetest Day! I am so lucky to have such a wonderful person to spend it with! (Brandon got me a dozen pink roses, the movie robots, and a bag of kit kats. I love that boy to death) My parents are coming up tonight and we're all going out to Joe's Crab Shack. I'm so glad I get to fall asleep next to you everynight.
Cedar Point tomorrow with Brandon, Angela, Steve, Courtney, Justin Krystal, and Billy! YAY!
10-16-05 Cedar Point
+Breakfast at Big Daddy's with the restaurant all to ourselves
+Packing 8 people into my lumina so we only have to pay to park 1 car.
+Courtney dancing like an idiot in front of people
+That kid telling us how he was from Jamica man but he really wasn't
+All the fun we had in the lines
+Mean monster
-Waiting 30 minutes to get lunch while everyone else is eating besides me and Brandon:(
-Lines being so long for the haunted houses
-The boys farting and stinking me out
-Having to stop before we even reach Ohio so ______ I'll save you the embarassment can poop for 30 minutes
+Being at Cedar Point with the smoking penguins and our groupies.
Current mood:  excited
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
So I decided to get livejournal again but this time it's for me. I don't need to impress you with my interesting day. This time I'm going to use it like it's a paper journal writing down my thoughts and feelings. I'm going to write about my wishes, goals, dreams, fears, etc.
Regrets: I never really thought I had any regrets because I always believed in the theory that "Everything happens for a reason". Until Today when I was reading through acquaintances live journal's from a former high school that I attended I was really regreting being such a bitch to everyone and not letting the people at my school know the real me. I had friends plenty of them so I figured I didn't need anymore. I had my close friends and I always had a boyfriend and his friends and I had college friends. I never had a boring weekend or nothing to do on the weekends. Even if I was going to our high school football game I had plenty of people to sit with. For some reason I never let those people get to know me I was this big book with thousands of unread pages. I read about all the parties they go to together this summer and all the things they do together and I really wish I wouldn't have tried so hard at just getting through my day without having to fake liking people and having to have a conversation with them. I'd only talk to people if I really had to, never just to say hi unless I was with one of my real friends. I wish I would've gotten to know people all kinds of people. The drama people, the choir people, the people in photography. All I knew was the popular people because that is the crowd I always tended to fall in. But did I really know them? Did anyone really know them of course not because they weren't ever true. They pretended to like things, followed trends, read every cosmo magazine and tried to be like the girls in there. They didn't have anything true about them they didn't have any real love or passion, they're passion was to be as fake and perfect as the models you see in magazines. The drama people they're passion was acting they loved to act, and photography those people loved to take pictures. The people in photography always impressed me way more than the popular group, the funny thing is the popular group always thought they impressed everyone when it was really the other way around. But the pictures they took were breath taking, the way they look at things is so much different than how a normal eye sees things. I was never really an artsy person, I'm not very creative but I still wish I would've stepped outside my comfort zone and taken a class on photography.
Well luckily I have a second chance, college but college is different than high school. You can't just experiment with classes you have to have goals. My goal is to be successful in college and graduate, I want an equal balance though. I don't want to just be successful in class but everything else I do in college. Weither it be to join a sports team, join a sorority, or join another type of group. I don't want to be picky anymore, I don't want to be judgemental I want to look at everyone as if they have an equal chance. I don't want to make decisions about the person after meeting them once. I don't want to pretend to like someone, I don't want to have pretend conversations I want to have a real conversation and enjoy the person I am having it with no matter who it is. I want to go to coffee shops and talk about important things but not drink coffee. I want to play chess. I want to learn new things with an open mind and enjoy learning them.
In exactly one month today I will be starting a whole new chapter of my life college. I move in August 28th, classes start September 1st.
There are so many things I want but you can't always just want something and expect to get it. You have to work hard to get it, and that's what I will do. If I could re-do high school all over again I would. I would do a lot of it differently, I would've let people get to know me. I would've joined lots of different clubs and widened my horizon. I would've even joined an educational after school club. I would've studied more and worried less about boys and what I was going to do that weekend. I would've hung out with lots of different groups on the weekends and not just one group. Even if I didn't have much in common with a person I would've tried to see past that and still tried to form a friendship with them. I would've forgiven people more and not let little things make me so mad.
All in all I had a very enjoyable high school experience I loved high school and I miss high school but I'm ready for new things. I'm ready to let go of my past but not forget about it and take the experiences I have with me to help make me a better person. To all of the people I was ever mean to in high school I truely am sorry you never deserved it. To all of the friendships I ruined I'm sorry again every person I ever had a friendship with was very special and you guys meant a lot to me in different ways and we all had great memories and I love you guys, I always will. I forgive you for the fights that left us passing eachother in the hall without even a hello. I hope you can forgive me too.
I think I'm finally starting to grow up. Almost 8 months :) You truely are my everything.
I love you.
Current mood:  relieved
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